Michael Jackson ~ Beat It!

Yesterday, I woke up indifferent.   A lot had happened in the past few weeks for me.  First, my diagnosis of breast cancer and all the things that come with it.  My emotions have been up and down.  Yet, I have tried to maintain a positive attitude.  All I think about is what is going on with me.  I am so glad that I had the distraction of my nephew's draft to keep my mind busy.  Then Monday night, Kristina found out her start date for Southwest Airlines.  Seeing the joy in her face made me so happy because now she can share the happiness that I have for working for an awesome company.  So I have really tried to keep my mind busy and to continue to look at the blessings that God keeps throwing my way. What has started out as something that I thought was depressing, hasn't really been that.  Yes, I am suffering with some pain and yes, I have to go to chemo but it could be so much worse.  I know this and I am thankful that it isn't.

I had to go to my chemo class to see what type of chemo regimen I was going to be on.  Arriving to the hospital for the class, made me awfully nervous.  I started to get memories of what chemo was like from when I was a teenager.  I know that it was over 30 years ago and they have made advances but the whole process is pretty much the same.  Kristina took me and I love having her there with me. She is so knowledgable and listens to everything the medical staff says.  I sometimes tune out because I can't believe that I am going through yet another medical situation.  The nurse was very sweet as she tried to explain the type of chemo meds I would be taking and the side effects.  As she was talking, I just wanted to cry.  I guess Kristina could tell, for she grabbed my hand and started to squeeze.  The type of squeeze that said, "It will be alright."  As the nurse talked about fatigue, nausea, vomiting, mouth sores, HAIR LOSS, bone pain and constipation/diarrhea, I just looked at her in disbelief.  The only part of the side effects that I heard loud and clear and what seemed to bother me was the HAIR LOSS.  I know I said it isn't a big deal.  It really isn't but I am a woman and I am human.  It isn't losing 100% of hair that bothers me so much.  It is just the looks that I will see when I am in public.  The looks of "I feel sorry for her."  I don't want that.  I just want to be treated as if I have hair and that Evelyn is the same person.  I am, however, Evelyn is now Evelyn with Breast Cancer who has lost hair in the process.

After the nurse finishes and we walk out to the car, I start to feel very sad.  I start praying that God helps my family and friends be understanding when my hair starts to fall out.  We get into the car and I break down.  But it is OK.  I have noticed that I break down when I hear something new about what is expected along my journey.  Normally, after I have my breakdown, I am good and can move forward.  I call Andre and tell him what nurse says and as always, he just says, "So you lose hair.  What does that change?"  He always knows what to say and he always knows how to let me know that he loves me.

Well, we get home and Andre says let's go out to dinner.  I realize that I am going to really have to watch my nutrition and get focused on it.  Not a bad thing but I know I am going to have to put the foods that I love on the back burner.  Having cancer and eating healthy is so important.  So many changes in my life and I better get ready for it.  While out, Kristina wants us to get Michael Jackson's Dance game for the Wii. I know she thinks this will cheer me up and get my mind off of the chemo class information.  She is good at doing that.  Diverting my mind.  So after dinner, we get game and then head home to do some dance moves.

We get home and she pops in the DVD.  Mind you, I can't do anything since my arms are so sore and Michael loved to used his whole body to move.  So, I must watch Kristina as she tries to copy all of MJ's moves.  Watching her is making me laugh cause her moves look awkward and could use some help.  LOL  Andre is sitting on the couch watching and I could see in his eyes, that he was itching to get up and try it.  He kept telling her that if he did, he would blow her scores out of the water.  I said, "Dre, get up and do it." He says "No."  Then she put on Thriller and this silly man, got so excited.  He finally decides to get up and try.  Oh my goodness, I never realized how much my husband loved MJ and his music.  Let me just say, what started out as him just doing one song, ended up with him doing multiple songs.  As Kristina and I sat there, we watched him do song after song after song!!  He was dancing and singing like a reincarnation of Michael Jackson!  LOL  We laughed so much that my stomach hurt. The very last song that he did was "Beat It!"  Ironic, that as he was dancing there doing it, I couldn't help but think that was what I was going to do with breast cancer.  BEAT IT!!!  There goes God again giving me signs.  BEAT IT!!!  BEAT IT!!!  Probably, one of the best nights I have had.  Dre eventually sat his sweating and tired self down.  I just looked over at him and smiled.  Why am I so blessed to have him?? Well, just because I am.  I deserve him.  Kristina had a plan and it was executed.  My mind was diverted and I thank her for that.

Each day I am learning so much on this journey.  I received an email from the mother of a very sweet young girl that I know.  If God made a younger version of me, this young girl would be it.  When I met her, she had a spirit of sweetness and her smile was contagious.  You would never know that she was struggling with some medical issues.  She is so upbeat and so determined. Well, her Mom commences to tell me in the email how my blog is helping her daughter and inspires her.  That made me smile.  Yet, another reason I am glad that I got Breast Cancer.  If my blog has just helped one person, then I feel happy.  I initially started a blog to help myself and if it is in turn helping others, then I am pleased.  So pleased and so thankful that God is using me as His servant!!