Believe!!!

Started my day out cooking my kids their favorite breakfast of cheesy eggs, sausage, hash browns and biscuits!  Ron was kicking us out so he could read and study for awhile.  So this was Kristina and my chance to go hang out at the beach!

Putting on my bathing suit made me stop and think.  It just dawned on me, how will I be able to wear a bathing suit with only one breast.  I already felt naked walking around in one and now I must feel lopsided too..Do they make swimsuits that hide that I have only one breast?? Will I feel embarrassed to wear a swimsuit now??  Already was embarrassed cause I am overweight. Now I can add more embarrassment.  Overweight and one breast!!  This sucks!!

Had to tell someone very special to me that I had BC.  I waited a while to tell her because I didn't want her to worry about her "Aunt Ev."  I am not her aunt by blood but just another beautiful child that felt close enough to me to honor me by calling me "Aunt Ev."  She said the sweetest thing to me.  She said, "You remind me of a flower.  Always standing tall, no matter what. When days are not so shiny, you are always getting back up."  :)  That made me smile.  She is somewhat right.  I normally don't let anything get me down. So why would I let this breast cancer do it??  It is soaking in now and I know this is temporary in my life.  It is funny that from the first day that I met her, I knew that we would have bond that was longstanding.  She reminded me of myself when I was young. She doesn't even realize how her spirit is so sweet.

Kristina and I had such a wonderful time at the beach.  Jacksonville beaches are the best kept secret.  White sands, clear Atlantic ocean, not dirty and not a whole lot of people.  Truthfully, the beach is the best inexpensive vacation.  Bring the kids and they can play for hours for free.  As Kristina boogie boarded in the waves, I just watched and observed my surroundings.  Wishing just for a moment, I could freeze it.  I watched young kids playing sand volleyball, little kids building sand castles, women sunbathing, people playing in the water, kids flying kites and people just walking along the shoreline. I thought to myself, why do we rush through life as we do.  Why does it take something so serious as breast cancer to make me stop and smell the roses??  I know I rush through life daily.  For the next few weeks, I am  forced to slow down.  I need to focus on healing and getting mentally prepared for chemo.  I need to slow my roll, as my Mom would have said.  :)  While siting on that beach, I noticed so much.  I saw people smoking on the beach and it made me sort of angry.  Why are they dropping ashes and their cigarettes butts in that beautiful white sand?? This is God's creation and it is being disrespected. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered me but today it did.  I am thinking about myself.  Why do I eat the wrong foods and put things that aren't healthy into my body? Isn't that the same thing.  Why am I disrespecting my body?  Sitting on the beach, you do way too much thinking about stuff.  For me today, it was helpful.  It just made me realize some areas of my life that I need to change.  I can't change everyone but I can definitely change myself.

Received a call from a lady that was a breast cancer survivor and then a Louisiana Katrina survivor.  Our conversation was what I needed today.  She gave me insight on what to expect and she prayed with me.  She told me to that God was going to give me a word during my journey and that I need to focus on that word.  She asked me if I felt God has given me that word.  I thought about it and instantly I knew what she was meaning.  Yes, God gave me a word the other day but it magnified this morning.  That word was BELIEVE!!! Kristina was telling me just the other day how important it was that I believe that I am going to beat this.  So then I started focusing on that word.  Then this morning, I wanted to put a breast cancer pink ribbon on my blog site and I saw one with the word Believe and the the l was the pink ribbon.  Just now, God is speaking to me.  This is so powerful.  My son is listening to piano music as he studies.  He says, "Mom, what does this song sound like?"  Well, the song is from my husbands favorite movie, Step Brothers.  Even though that movie is a comedy, the song is actually beautiful.  I looked at his IPhone and I saw the name of the song.  Hold on to your seat.  It was by a man by the name of Emile Pandofli and it was from his album "Believe."  Now, that just freaked me out.  If that isn't God talking, what is it??? So, from this day forward, I believe that I will beat breast cancer and that I will continue to believe that God is going to rid my body of this cancer with the help of doctors.  I just have to say, "God, I hear you and I won't allow no more negative thoughts to come to my head because I believe that you and I have a mission."  What that mission is, I have no idea yet but I know God will let me know on His time!!

Well, the Finals between the Mavs and the Heat is about to come on.  Need to go spend my last night in Jacksonville with my son before I leave tomorrow.  Gotta go!!  Oh, yeah,  GO MIAMI HEAT!!!!  :)