Sunday and Monday ~ Crazy Pain!

It is Monday night and probably the best I have felt in my arm since Saturday.  Probably has something to do with the pain pills that I was able to get today!! :)  The crazy think about pain pills is they may solve the feeling of pain but it is only temporary.  Yes, it works but then 4 hours later, the pain starts to creep back up on you. Then time to pop another pill.  I DO NOT like the dependence on pills that I need right now.  I have never been much a pill popper.  Only take when really necessary.  I keep trying to wean myself because I really want to try and get better and get back to the old me.

I have researched all weekend, if this feeling I have in my arm is normal and is it suppose to happen.  Yes, it is.  Only thing is, my doctor didn't warn me and the literature that he gave me did not explain how awful this feeling is.  I don't really know what it would matter. Knowing in the beginning wouldn't have stopped the pain.  It is just a part of the surgical procedure and unfortunately, something I must deal with.  The crazy part is I was more concerned about how my right chest was going to feel and it is actually healing just fine.  Surprises me to say this, but I am getting use to not having a breast.  I can not believe I just typed that last sentence.  But each day, it becomes less important that I don't have a right breast.  Maybe it helps that my wonderful husband doesn't make it an issue.  Actually, he has been so loving and so caring towards me. God blessed me with this man.  If ever I appreciated him, this is the time.  I am already trying to plan something in my mind that I can surprise him with.  I know we will go away somewhere romantic and just for us.  Somewhere where we can just glorify the beauty of our love and marriage. It has been 13 years and each year I love him more.  I have have two hero's in my life and one is my father.  The other is definitely my husband, Andre!! His strength and his support has carried me from day one. I cherish each day that we have together and do not take it for granted.

My oncologist set me up for a CT scan on Thursday.  I know this is just precautionary.  However, I am little concerned why when he said the cancer hadn't spread.  I guess he wants to see if there are any little traces in other areas to determine what level of chemo I will need.  So back on my praying mission.  I feel lately that I keep asking God for so much.  Does God every get tired of hearing from me?  If feels like I am always asking for something. I am so very thankful for all that God has done in my life.  My faith is what carries me.  Always has and always will.  So now, I must wait for yet another test result.  I guess I will be doing this for awhile.  I have to stayed prayed up and continue to believe that I will be alright.

Time to get some shut eye.  Hope I have a peaceful sleep and pray that in the morning that my arm doesn't hurt so bad!!  And if it does, I will just handle it and work through it.  :)