Last Supper!!

This week has been kinda hard on me.  Over the weekend I started coming down with what I thought was a cold.  So I stayed in bed and rested. Couldn't take any medicines since I hadn't spoke with my doctor and I wanted to make sure that I wasn't taking anything that would interfere with my chemo tomorrow.  So I just drank orange juice and laid in bed all weekend.

First thing Monday morning, I called my doctor.  He said to take Benedryl and if I didn't feel any better by the next day, he would  check me out when I went in for blood work. I thought it might be allergies but I wasn't for sure since Kristina was sick and spreading germs everywhere. :)  She was trying so hard to not come near me but I didn't like that.  I really wanted to be Mom and help her.  But I didn't and couldn't catch whatever she might have.  She went to the doctor after work and found out that she had allergies. That did make me feel better. At least now she didn't have to walk around the house 100 feet away from me.  When she got back from the doctor, I did manage (through being sick myself) to make her some soup and give her some orange juice.  This may sound minimal in most people's eyes.  But this was major for me.  I wanted to be her healthy Mom and take care of her as she has been taking care of me these past few months.  So doing this little task of feeding her soup was important for me and for her.  No matter how old your children get, when they are sick, they want to be pampered by someone.  So this was my chance to pamper her.

In the evening, I had some surprise visitors.  Even though I wasn't feeling well, I couldn't turn them away.  One was a family that we have known for a very long time.  They were in town visiting and wanted to come see and check on me.  They came and brought me this beautiful bracelet that was wooden in nature but had these charms on it.  Each charm was a different Saint.  They said they wanted me to wear it for healing and faith.  I thought that was very nice.  They are Catholic and I really don't understand the Catholic faith, however, I am open for any type of spiritual healing.

Another visitor was a very dear and old friend of mines from Wichita.  She now lives in Kansas City, KS, but works here 3 days a week.  We hadn't seen each other for awhile.  A long time.  She walked into my house looking like a million bucks.  I on the other hand felt like I looked like a raggedy doll.  We just sat and reminisced about the past.  Just being with her made me feel so good.  It was nice talking about things we use to do and talking about our families.  For both of us, a lot had happened.  Our lives had changed in many different ways.  Yet, the one thing that has stayed constant with us was our love for one another.  From the moment that she walked in, it was as if we had been talking every single day.  It didn't feel any different.  I had a hat on when she arrived but by the time she left, I had removed my hat and was brave enough for her to see me bald.  All she said was that I looked beautiful and I believed her.  Just looking at her eyes, I could see that even though she looked like a million bucks, in her eyes I looked like a million bucks too.  She was just glad to see me as much as I was glad to see her.  Our outer appearances didn't matter at all.  What mattered was that our hearts were one and we shared the same love for one another.  We vowed to stay connected this time and not let time past so long before we connect again.  I won't let it happen again.  Life is too short and I learn that every day.

Got up Tuesday feeling kinda yucky.  My joints had been hurting me for the past few days.  So in order to get out of bed each morning, I have to pop a pain pill.  One is usually all I need but I hate that I have to take it at all.  It seemed that whatever was wrong with me was still making me feel sick.  I was laying in bed and then I started receiving text messages on my phone that said, "Congratulation's! You deserve it."  I was confused.  What were they talking about?  I then logged into my work email and I see this email.  It says that I was "Employee of the First Quarter."  My phone rings and it is my Manager telling me that I was nominated and I was picked.  Wow, this literally made my day.  I couldn't have been more happy or more proud since my job is very important to me.  God only knows how important.  Being forced to be home and not work tends to put things in perspective.  One of those things is the blessing of having a job to go to and having the health to get there.  This was a wonderful way for me to wake up on this day.  

In the afternoon, I go see my doc and he checks me out.  He says that I just had allergies.  That did relieve me.  He also said that my blood work looked great.  Yes, he used the word great!!  This meant that I would be able to get my chemo this week.  I was suppose to get it today but he rescheduled it to Thursday.  That was fine with me.  I am just excited to be almost done.  Tomorrow, Andre is taking me and this will begin my week of HELL. I am use to it but I am not going to lie.  It is HELL!! But after this treatment, then I will only have one more.  That means I can finally see the finish line.  When this all began, this place in the race seemed so far off.

After my doctor appointment, I reluctantly met with my team for my Susan G. Komen 3 day walk in November.  Only reluctant because I wasn't feeling so hot.  I haven't been able to meet since during the other meetings I was just too ill.  It was only going to be for an hour.  I just had to go and let them know that I was still interested.  Meeting these beautiful and spiritual women was just what I needed.  This walk is very important to me.  I am passionate about raising money to help find a cure for breast cancer.  These women made me feel so welcomed and I could feel their big hearts.  When we were discussing the walk, I was trying to explain that I may not be able to do a lot of walking since I will only have one month to prepare and try to build up my energy level.  They looked at me and said in unison, "Don't worry, we will walk for you!"  That very statement brought tears to my eyes.  God bless them for that statement.  It sent chills down my spine.  God is so wonderful how he has directed his Angels on earth to me.  That is what they are.  They may not know it but they are Angels in my eyes.  I am on a mission to raise the money that I need to and I will raise it.  By the grace of God, He will make sure I do.  I believe that. I thank God for allowing me to be in the "Breast Cancer Club."  It is a very special club and a club filled with a lot of love.  Love is what I live my life by.  I feel honored to be a part of it.

So today, I am mentally preparing myself for chemo tomorrow. I am trying to tidy my room up and make sure that I have all my meds ready.  Need to make sure I have everything I need to be comfortable for the next 7-8 days.  Even though I know what to expect, I still get really nervous about it.  It isn't getting the chemo treatment but the side effects that I get afterwards.  That is the part that I dread.  I know starting tomorrow, all foods and liquids that I drink will not have any taste. So tonight, I am going to have a good dinner.  The night before chemo for me is like the last meal that you give to a person on death row.  LOL  This time around, I chose pot roast, rice, peas (my favorite) and cornbread.  For dessert, I think I will have some apple pie.  I better enjoy it because after tomorrow, it is downhill on tasting anything.  Oh, well, it could be worse.  I could really be on death row and this could really be my last meal! Until the next time, Chow!!