September 11, 2001~We Must Never Forget!!

I had a wonderful weekend!! My niece came to visit me and brought my handsome great-nephew, Karl Michael Brown III.  We call him Trey.  She came to Dallas from Wichita, Ks to celebrate her birthday.  The beauty of it all is that while she enjoyed Dallas, I was able to spend quality time at home with Trey. I must say that this had to be the best weekend ever.  Just being around this loving and sweet baby was what I needed.  I have spent the whole summer at home, getting chemo, being sick and just trying to cope with it all.  Having Trey here gave me a chance to truly forget about me and focus only on him.  We laughed, we played, we ate and we just loved on each other.  This time with him gave me back the feeling of what I missed the most this summer, helping the ones I love.  Trey solely depended on his Aunt Ev and this was nice.  It was nice to be needed and to be able to take care of him.  From Thursday of last week to Sunday, I was one happy person.  I couldn't stop smiling with joy.  One day, I will have to tell Trey how much he helped me when he was 9 months old.  I will tell him, that he allowed me to not think about my situation but to focus on spending time with him.  When they left on Sunday, I was sad.  Seeing them drive off was difficult.  I sure wish they lived in Texas.  But when I am all well, I will fly to Wichita to visit him more often.  One of the wonderful benefits of working for an airline is traveling.  While Trey was here, I wasn't able to do much of anything except be with him.  That is one reason I wasn't able to write in my blog.  I never had a free moment and when I did, I was napping.  Little babies are very exhausting.

On Monday, I could't do anything but lay in bed all day.  I didn't do much moving around over the weekend but whatever I did, drained me on Monday.  I woke up and watched this documentary about September 11th.  Probably not a good idea.  I believe this is what put me in a depressed state.  I knew September 11 was Sunday but I was so busy with family and their departure, that I didn't really dwell on it.  However, Monday was a different story.  After watching the documentary, I was forced to think about what I was doing on that day.  I will never forget it.  My Dad was at his office and I was driving there.  He called me and said, "Honey, something crashed into the World Trade Center."  I said, "No Daddy."  He commenced to tell me what he was hearing on the radio.  He told me to go back home and watch the TV to see what was up. I turn around and drive back home.  As I am driving back home, my Dad called back and said, "OMG, there was another crash into the other building.  Baby, go get the kids and go home until we find out what is going on.  I think it is a terrorist attack."  So, I did what he said.  I spent the rest of that day glued to the TV, hugging my children and watching the war on America with tears running down my face!  All I could do was pray and pray.  I literally stayed home for about a week devastated and scared.  I knew no one involved in it but I felt like I knew them all.  It pained me to think that there were people that cruel in our world to do such a horrific thing.  The person that I am hates to see others hurt and to see America hurting this deeply was too much for me.  Yes, that was 10 years ago but seeing that documentary on this day made it all very fresh and new again.  It made me think of my father and how he sent me home to be safe.  It made me think of how my father was my hero all my life and that I wish right now he was with me.  September 11, 2011 was a very sad day in America.  If it taught me anything, it taught me how important it is to tell the people you love that you love them daily.   At any split second, something could happen and then you would never see them again.  We must never forget that day and we must continue to pray for everyone that was personally affected by that day.  Yes, Monday was difficult for me and I had to pray a lot to get through it.

Today has been better for me.  I chose to wake up and smile and not be down.  I shouldn't be down.  In just two more days, I will have my LAST chemo treatment.  Mixed emotions about it.  I am so nervous because I hear it might be my hardest but excited because it will be my last one.  Then I can start my life over again.  I have so much I want to do.  All summer, I have dreamed of my last treatment day coming.  It seemed so far off when I was first told that I would have to have chemo.  Now, I can't believe the time is finally here.  My sweet loving honey, Andre, is going to take me. That man is wonderful.  I have to continue to say that because without him, I couldn't have done it.  His laughter when I needed it on a day I was depressed, his sweet comments about how beautiful I am with a bald head, his tender kisses on my chapped lips after chemo, his support on days when I felt I couldn't do it anymore and his constant love is what made this journey bearable.  I have so many dreams for us for the future.  Our future looks bright.  Thirteen years being married to my best friend is a blessing from God.  I went through a lot of frogs before I found my Prince!  Thank you God for Andre Auturo Johnson!!