One step at a time!

Lazy Saturday..heck, since I have gotten out of the hospital, each day has been lazy.  No fun when your days are forced to be lazy.  Laying around is so not me and person that I am.  I like to get up and go.  I have to really work hard at this not doing anything and just getting rest.  I have to tell myself that this is what I need to do to heal.

Today has been rough. I was up most of the night because it is uncomfortable to sleep in my bed.  So, I have been spending my past few nights in the oversized chair in my family room.  So I am up watching every TV pastor, every informercial and every rerun of I Love Lucy!! I would love to surf the net but it is painful sit up on the laptop for extended hours and at such a late hour of the night, all I want to do is just lay and not move.  I am just so glad that my wallet is the bedroom and that I don't have access to my credit card.  Dang, I want to buy every kitchen gadget that I am seeing for $19.99 plus bonus gifts.  LOL. I have to make sure I have Andre hide it tonight.

The pain in my chest is not so much a painful pain but a throbbing pain. I can almost feel the pumping of the drain from my chest.  It is hard to explain but it is a weird and annoying feeling.  I have to take my pain meds every 4 hours like clock work because now I am scared to be off them for fear I will feel whatever they are suppose to be masking for me.

Had a mostly quiet day.  I did decide today that I would start looking at my chest more. Ease into the realization that my breast is gone and I will be flat chested on my right side for awhile.  I did shed a few tears but not long.  My breast was diseased and it needed to be removed.  Remember, Evelyn, it is suppose to save your life.  I know this and it is starting to sink in.  I am also realizing that they know I have breast cancer but I have to also wait on the results of my lymph node biopsy to see if it has spread there.  I have to take this journey one step, one day at a time and one test at a time!! I need to hurry and find out so I can begin my chemo treatments and get closer to being a survivor.

My dear, sweet Andre and Kristina are taking such good care of me.  I can't even imagine how it would feel to not have their support and love.  This makes this whole process so much easier.  I am so blessed that I have them both to lean on.  And when I say lean, I literally mean lean.  Walking is a chore but I have to make myself do it during the day so that I don't get pneumonia. Have to exercise my lungs.  I need to start walking outside because I need the sun.  Like a flower, I need the sun to feel alive.  I guess I will at least wait until I see my breast surgeon on Monday to see how much and what kind of exercise I can do for now.

All I know is that I am on the road to recovery and that I am ready to do this!!  For me, the worse part is over and that was hearing the doctor say "You have Breast Cancer."  Now, that I know that, I just need to deal with it.  The tears aren't so often and that is a good thing.  The scared feeling is still here but that is normal.  I just need to focus on my future.  I need to look forward to something in my future and look forward to it.  Let me see, there is a lot going on around me that makes me happy, NBA draft, my daughter getting a job at my workplace, summer basketball, family weddings and there is always Las Vegas!!  So, that is what I am focused on.  All these things give me something to look forward to in the future.  :)