Never stay up all night reading medical sites...

June 2, 2011 ~ Didn't sleep a wink all night.  I read a million sites on breast cancer trying to prepare myself.  I read so much stuff that I had a headache and knew I was going to go to doctor's office and he was going to tell me that I had stage 5 breast cancer and I had 6 months to live.  It is possible. This is my second time with cancer.  Lately, I have been so depressed with so much that this was just something added to my list of depression.  Yet, I held on to my faith in God that maybe, just maybe it isn't as bad as I thought.

Kristina takes me to my appointment.  Andre wanted to go but I just told him that it will be fine and I will call him as soon as I leave.

Get to doctor's office and sit there in silence with Kristina.  She is scared and so am I.  Dr. Floyd calls us in and I hear what I didn't want to hear.  "Evelyn, you have breast cancer. There is a solid lump that is malignant and some areas where it is spreading!!"  Phase I of shock starting.  Then I say, "Ok Doc, now what???"  He says, "Well, we need to remove your whole right breast and have you do chemo after that!" My silly question after that was, "Will I lose my hair??"  He says, "About 99% of people do." Phase II of shock. At the moment, I think I blanked out for a minute as tears fell.

I said, "Do I have to have it removed?" He says, "Do you want to live?"  Yes, I want to live.  Without boob or without hair, I want to live.  I know I am not finished with what I need to do in this life.  Dr. Floyd says that it is early and that with removal and chemo, I should be just fine.  Yet, I am depending on God to make this true.  So please God, don't fail me now.

Go home and wait on Andre to get there.  I cry, I scream, I think and I image my body without a boob and no hair.  Yet, I never asked "Why me God??" Instead, "Why not ME??"  My faith is so strong in God that I know that he doesn't put too much on us that we can't handle.  What I am about to go through is going to help someone else down the road. I just know it.

So, Andre comes home, I tell him everything doctor says.  And all he can say is "We will get through it baby.  I don't care if you have no hair, no arms, no legs or nothing, as long as I have you and your wonderful spirit."  Then he says, "Plus, I have always wanted to date a bald sexy chick!!"  LOL Gotta love him..