Back to Dallas!!

Back home and I miss Ron already.  We had such a nice time and as I was flying back home, I was wishing that it was Thursday all over again and I was flying to Jacksonville.  But in all reality,I had to snap out of it and focus on what was going to happen in the next few days.  I am being positive and I am having faith in God that everything is going to be alright.  However, that still doesn't stop me from the human emotion of fear.

As I was changing clothes tonight to get ready for bed, I looked at my right breast for a very long time.  I kept wondering what if I didn't get mammograms.  Would I have been creating an early death sentence for myself??  The answer would be yes. Since I have always been on top of my mammograms, I was able to catch this breast cancer early.  I pray, early enough to get rid of it with the removal of my breast and chemo.  Yet, looking at my breast, I am beginning to get sad.  Sad that I am having to cut off a part of my body.  Sad that I won't be able to have my two breasts anymore.  Sad that I will have to wake up Thursday morning with only one breast.  Sad that I am sad because I have to remove it to live.
What is wrong with me??? I want to live and removing a breast to do it, is a small price to pay.  Right?

Being away was so good for me and my kids.  We laughed, we ate, I soul searched and I prayed a lot.  I feel stronger and I BELIEVE that I will beat this.  My faith is so strong and I know that this is happening to me for a reason.  I truly believe that. It seems that I am finding out daily, how many people have been affected by breast cancer.  Whether, it is an aunt, mother, sister, friend or themselves, this disease is out there and it is touching so many women/men.  As I read so many survivors stories, I see what is happening to me and it comforts me.  Reading what others have dealt with is helping me deal.  I pray that just one person reading my blog, can get some relief from it.  Pay it forward somewhat.

Tomorrow is my departments Annual Boat Party.  I am anxious to see everyone but I am also nervous.  Are they going to treat me differently?? Am I going to see those sad eyes?? Are they going to make me feel like this breast cancer is such a sad thing??  Actually, I need to shake this nervousness and go to this event as I would any other time.  I have to remember.  I control what is about to happen to me and I control how I perceive things.  Regardless, of how or what I am thinking they are thinking, doesn't really matter in reference to what is going on with me.  The one thing I do know and I would bet money on, is that they care about me!!  So that is what is most important tomorrow. I need to go spend time with my SOS family and just have a good ole time!!!