Wig Shopping with my Son!!

Yesterday taught me a lot!! This was my wig shopping day. I wake up and go to take a shower. Look in the mirror and see that my hair is balding around the edges of my head. I now know that it is time for me to shave it bald.  I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes.  I am not sure when they are suppose to fall out.  But eventually I know they will. Hair loss is a part of certain chemo drugs.  Something to be expected. It freaked me out in the beginning but now, it really doesn't bother me at all.  Once it is all gone, then I can look forward to it growing back.

Ron and I drive to this lovely wig shop/salon called "All About You." It is designed for women who have or had breast cancer.  The owner is a survivor and she wanted a place that was comfortable for women and could educate them on things.  We walk in and I feel good.  It has the warmth that I know will make me feel at ease when I choose my wig.  This lovely lady named Tracy introduces herself to us and I instantly love her.  I can feel her compassion and see the kindness in her eyes.  She takes us back to this private room and wants to first hear my story. I give her short version and then she asks to see a picture of what my hair looked like before.  She then asks me what type of style do I want and what color.  I give her an idea.  She pulls out all these wigs and I start trying them on.  Long wigs, short wigs, medium length wigs, brunette wigs, red wigs, light brown wigs and wigs with streaks.  I am so confused.  I like a few but I decided on this wig that was light in color with streaks.  I have always wanted light hair with streaks so I guess I might as well go for it now.  Even though I know this is temporary.  Ron was giving me great advice but the awesome man that he is, just kept saying it was MY decision!!  I kept looking at him with so much admiration. He NEVER would have went wig shopping with me if I wasn't ill right now.  NEVER!!!!!!  But when I asked him to go this time, there wasn't any apprehension in his voice when he said he would go.  This past week, he has been my personal nurse.  He has given a relief to Andre and Kristina.  It has been nice.  So we leave the shop with my new hair!  I was nervous at first thinking that everyone was going to stare at me and say, "Look at her wig."
I can slowly feel the side effects start to come.  My mouth is starting to feel weird and my stomach is queasy.  I had to make another stop at the hospital to get my after chemo shot.  So I figured that would be my first test drive on my wig duty.

We arrive at the hospital and we go in.  As I am walking in, I am looking at everyone's eyes to see if they are looking at me crazy.  They weren't.  No one looked at me crazy at all.  I was acting like this paranoid fool.  I kept saying to Ron, "Are people staring?? Can you tell it is a wig??"  He would respond, "Mom, stop it.  It doesn't matter if they stare. Remember, hair isn't important.  You are going to live." He always has a way of putting me back into perspective on things.  This is one thing that will help him when he becomes a lawyer.  :)  As I look at him, I am feeling so blessed and so proud that he is MY son.  A son that every mother would want.  This pleases my heart because I know that one day, he will make some woman a wonderful husband.  I raised him right.  He is a lot like my father and my husband.  He is trustworthy, he is loving, he is gentle and he has true compassion for the ones he loves and for others.  This makes me smile.  I just pray that God brings him a wife that will appreciate all these great qualities and love him back the same.  This is all I can hope and pray for as a Mother.

I get my shot and then we head home.  As soon as I get home, I take my wig off and prepare it for its wig stand.  Then, I get my pj's on and I pass out.  I was so tired.  My morning excursion was a lot for me.  The fatigue is horrible.

In the evening, I can feel my mouth starting to fade away.  This means white tongue, mouth sores and NO taste buds.  The last time this is what hit me first.  Then it starts to go downhill from there.  But this time I am prepared and ready.  I know what to expect.  Yes, it makes me nervous but I am halfway done with these treatments.  This next few days will be ugly and hard on me.  But that doesn't really bother me so much.  I am more concerned about Ron seeing me like this.  He has had to see a lot in the past week from his Mom.  From my hair shedding, the chemo treatment, seeing me so weak, the balding head and not seeing his Mom be her old self.  I know it is hard for him but he keeps smiling at me an treating me like nothing is wrong.  That is how he is.  Yesterday, at the hospital, he looked at me and said, "Mom, I am so proud of your fight and how you are holding up.  You are already a survivor.  You beat cancer twice.  Just think about that!!"  That statement brought tears to my eyes.  He is right.  I am a survivor.  I am just cleaning up the mess of the battle now.  Chemo is just preventing any more cancer cells from growing.  I am on the home stretch for the finish line!!

Tomorrow is about the time that my side effects start to hit pretty bad. I start getting the mouth sores, the dizziness, body aches, nausea, can't eat, and all over achy feeling. I will be down for awhile.  But I will be back up before I know it.  This time though it won't be so bad because I will have my Andre, my Kristina and my Ron here with me.  The three people that make me the most happy and the most safe.  I cherish these moments with them.  Rather it be sick or healthy, I love when we four are together.  At the end of day, that is all that really matters.  I fight this battle now for them.  I want to be around, God willing, for their futures.  The will to live is strong in me.  I know God is doing a lot in my life and I appreciate it.  I am truly a believer and all my faith is held in God and His word.  I couldn't have made it this far without my faith in God.  I am thankful each day and I let God know it.