Heart is warm!!

Today was a crazy long day!! Woke up thanking God for everything and at the same time, asking God, "Why did the Mav's win??" LOL  Go to work, walk in all happy and notice that my desk is decorated in all this blue Dallas Maverick stuff.  Made me sick to have to work in that environment.  But I knew I just had to get through the day and then I wouldn't have to look at it anymore because when I return, the Miami Heat would have won the Championship!  :)

Work was very hard yesterday.  It was my last day for awhile.  Started out kinda weird.  Some people at work know about my BC.  As I look at others, and if I feel the urge, I am just blurting out to them that I have BC.  Had to tell more today and each time, it seems to get easier for me but when I tell them, I instantly see the sadness in their eyes and in good ole Evelyn fashion, I start consoling them. Telling them, don't worry, I will be alright.  I guess I am practicing what I preach.  I hate to see anyone worry.  Especially people that I am close to.  Received a few BC things today.  Now all of a sudden, my pink collection is starting to grow.  Never really liked pink but I guess I need to start appreciating it.  I actually love yellow and orange more than anything.  This BC is going to change my life tremendously.

The more I tell people, the more I am hearing that everyone knows someone with it.  I am slowly realizing where God is leading me. Not exactly sure but I have a feeling.  I do know that I want to get more involved in Susan G. Komen, once I am better.  I know I want to give back.  I know this for sure.

I am thanking God right now for the support I feel.  I know I won't be alone.  I need to really reach out because I will need it.  But I also don't want to drain my friends with my problems and issues.  So this blog should help me.  I know how I am feeling and how drained I feel already.  I don't want that for anyone else.  I just hope that my friends reach out to me. And if you are reading my blog, "I WANT YOU TO CALL, TEXT, EMAIL, FACEBOOK, OR TWEET ME"!  I may not be able to reach out on my own cause I don't want to be a burden.  So hopefully, I will continue to have contact with my friends.  I don't want to be forgotten cause they don't see me anymore.  I don't want to return to work lost.

Seven days until the surgery and it is starting to freak me out.  I look at my right boob and I can't believe it will be gone next week.  But I keep telling myself, this is so minor in the scheme of things. But I am still scared.  That dang hair thing is messing me up still. Losing eyebrows and eyelashes is freaking me out.  I have paid for eyebrow waxing for years.  I guess now I can save $30 a month.  I guess I can look at it that way. I know no hair and no boob isn't important compared to getting rid of the BC.  But I am not going to lie, I am VERY SAD about it.  It has only been a week, so I am shock still and trying to figure it out.  I do know this.  No wig for me!!! I will wear hats and maybe scarves.  I remember when I was 18 years old and had Hodgkin's Disease.  I lost my hair from the chemo and radiation then. My dad took me to look for a wig and back then, ALL the wigs looked like grandma wigs.  Just imagine that!!  I tried on wig after wig and each one made me look like Wanda from Sanford & Son!! LOL  Scarred me for life!!  So with that being said, I will not wear a wig. I know they are different now but I can't do it.

I am not wearing my estrogen patch anymore and the sweats are killing me.  I am sweating all the time and I am keeping a headache.  But my doctor said to take it off.  What I thought was good for me, may now be the culprit to why I have BC.  No history in my family but I am the 80% sporadic person to get it.  Crazy.  Cancer twice in my life!!  SMH

Dinner last night was very nice.  Met with Dexter and another child of mines, Tristan Thompson.  We laughed, talked about relationships in the NBA and I got some insider gossip about different NBA players.  (But if I tell, I might get a contract sent on me. LOL)  I am so proud of all my boys that I am close to achieve their dreams.  It makes me feel even more special since they all call me "Aunt Ev."  God knew I loved children and he has given me so many extended kids that love me a lot. This is one thing that warms my heart so much.

I learned one thing today is that each moment with loved ones is important.  What was once important last week, isn't so important today.  For me, all that is important is spending time with the ones you love and smiling thorough the storm!!  I have to keep telling myself, God has a plan!  Anxious to see that Plan!!