Simple Pleasures!

I sit here tonight with a very happy heart!!! Happy because I am watching a movie with Andre, Ron and Kristina!  My family.  The three people that I know will always be in my life and will never betray me or leave me.  It is comforting how that makes me feel.  People have come and gone from my life but I know that these three will always be here with God willing.  I have so much support from outside of these three and I so appreciate it but having the support of my immediate three helps tremendously!!  It just makes this journey of mines so much easier.  It gives me that fighting feeling. I have to fight this disease for them.  Yes, I need to fight it for me but I HAVE to fight it for them.  They need me and want me around. This I know for sure.

Yesterday was a pretty typical day for me.  Woke up a little nauseous and light headed.  Crawl out of bed and take pain and nauseous pills to help me get through my morning.  I attempt to try and move around a little more. I was being told that this might build up my energy level.  It doesn't.  I tried to wash and fold clothes.  I attempt to do it but it tires me out so much.  I get so frustrated because I want to be able to move around more.  I get mad at myself because I know of two friends at work that were able to work between their chemo treatments.  Why can't I do it??  What is so wrong with me??  I take myself to the internet to read other cancer patient blogs to see if this is normal.  Well, after reading multiple blog entry's, I see that everyone has similar situations but each is somewhat different.  So, I come to the conclusion that I won't question why I am being affected by chemo the way I am.  This is my body and I am dealing with it.  I am not no one else and I just need to concentrate and worry about getting healthier and getting rest.  The key to chemo is rest between treatments.  I am getting lots and lots of rest!

Today, I woke up really early.  It was like Christmas morning for a six year old.  Today, my son was flying home to spend the next few weeks with us.  This excites me.  I love when he comes home.  It gives me so much joy to have both my kids at home.  It brings back memories of how peaceful life can be when we are all together.  When your kids are little, we take for granted that they will always be around and in the home.  However, when they grow up and move away, you look forward to the times they return and you can be a family like when they were little.  All day I have just looked at them and smiled.  Now I always do this when they are around but today was different.  Much different.  The one thing that having breast cancer has taught me was to slow down and look at life with different eyes.  I now cherish every moment of my life. I will never take a moment for granted.  I have learned that life can be short and I don't want to waste a minute of it without appreciating it.

Spent the majority of the day just enjoying my family.  We went to dinner and it was nice.  It was nice to be able to share this time with them and just hear them talk about their lives.  I would always listen to them talk but it was different.  I lingered on each sentence and really listened to each word.  To hear my son talk about law school with so much enthusiasm and joy was nice.  To hear my daughter talk of her dreams of making her job a career pleased me.  I sat there and looked at them and felt so proud.  It hasn't always been easy raising two kids but so worth it as I look at them now.  I couldn't be more in awe of them both than I am now.  Just listening to Andre and appreciating my husband is elevated since I got breast cancer.  He has been my rock and main support.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life.  God set my life up and put the right people in place for just this time in my life.

God has had a hand in this journey from day one. I have always believed in God and had faith, yet it is deeper now.  God has heard the prayers and continues to offer blessings.  I am forever thankful for all the positive things that are happening in my life.  The first day I learned of my diagnosis, I was upset but it didn't last long.  Mostly upset because of the shock of learning.  However, I knew I had to trust in God to get through it.  I had to trust in God in a deeper way.  My faith has carried me from that moment on and it will continue to carry me.  It is that faith that allows me to dream of my future without breast cancer.  I see a future so bright.  I see a future where I am giving back and helping other women.  A future where I am inspiring others to feel good about themselves.  I believe this is what God is wanting me to do in a more wider range than what I am doing now.  The beauty of this is that I am ready to serve the way God intends me to do.

Tonight, I am happy and I feel so blessed!!  No, I didn't get a financial windfall.  No, I didn't get a new car.  No, I didn't get a promotion at work.  No, I didn't get approved for loan.  I am blessed because I am sitting in my living room surrounded by three of the people that love me unconditionally and love me just for me.  I couldn't ask for more than this.  I have learned to enjoy and appreciate simple pleasures!!  The simple pleasures of love of family!!  Just sitting here with Andre, Ron and Kristina is the best feeling and looking at them is a blessing.  The blessing of life and being with the ones you love can't be beat by nothing else!!