A Calmer Me!

I love Sunday's!! There is just something about waking up on a Sunday morning and seeing the sun out the window.  I know it is a holy day and maybe that is why it is my favorite day of the week. Kinda bummed that I wasn't going to be able to go to church on this Sunday.  The chemo has started it's destruction of cells and I can feel it all over my body.  I am too drained and too exhausted to even think of getting out the house.  The one thing that really makes me happy these days is going to church.  It is the boost that I need to get me through the week.  But on this particular Sunday, I must miss it.

Andre wakes up and goes crazy cleaning up the house, washing clothes and making sure that I am alright.  He has decided to bar-b-que on this day. I would love to say that it was for me, but I know it wasn't.  For one, I have no taste buds and he knows that. But he is cooking for his son and daughter.  They love it when he grills. :)  I expected to just lay around all day and rest up.  Chemo makes me really sleepy and I expected to be napping most of the day.  I spend the whole day just enjoying my life.  Even though I felt really bad, it was nice to be home with my husband and kids just relaxing. Later in the day, I had some unexpected visitors.  Two very special people in my life came over to check on me.  I really wasn't up to it but my heart wanted to see them. I needed to see them.  Being in the house healing, has made me very lonely at times. I miss being involved with others and enjoying the things life has to offer.  Before Breast Cancer, I was active. I never let the sun set under my foot.  Always busy doing something. Now, I have been forced to slow down and chill.

I was nervous for them to see my bald head but I also knew that they wouldn't make me feel any different than who I was.  I am not going to cover my head up when I am home. There is no shame in my bald head.  But as people see it for the first time, I do look at their eyes for their expressions.  So far, I see nothing but love.  These people love me for me.  They don't care about me being bald.   They just want to see me healthy and back to my old self. That is the same thing that I want too.  I want to be all done with chemo and back to my old self.  I have noticed that getting breast cancer has made me more calmer than I have ever been.  I truly have learned to take life at a slower pace.  Each moment is so precious to me and I don't want to take these moments for granted.

My Sunday was perfect!  Didn't do anything in particular but the day was just so nice.  It was so nice to be with people I love.  Nice to look at their faces and see the love in their eyes.  No matter how sick I feel during this chemo, I will not let it take away my joy in my heart.  Joy in the heart is something that nothing can take away if you don't allow it.  I have always had joy in my heart and want to see others with the same joy.  I was determined from the beginning of this, that I was not going to let cancer win and that I was going to win.  If cancer was going to try to take me down, my promise to myself was that I wasn't going to let it.  Decided that I was going to kick, scream and fight cancer until it is gone.

On another note, I am truly excited about something that I am going to participate in.  I am going to do the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk for the Cure in November.  I am on a team and we are going to raise money to find a cure.  This excite me so much.  I have always wanted to do this but never did because I was always too busy doing other things.  Another blessing of Breast Cancer was opening the doors to helping others.  A very dear friend of mines has ordered some "TeamEvelynClaimingVictory" t-shirts in honor of me.  I feel so honored that she did this.  My team captain would like to probably use them for our team. I have a goal of personally raising $3000.00 and I know I will reach my goal.  I got my first donation today and the joy that I felt was so exciting.  I was excited because I knew that donation was just one step closer to finding a cure for Breast Cancer. The passion that is building in me for a cure deepens each day.  I know this is just the beginning and that my involvement will get even more intense each year.  Getting Breast Cancer was a good thing for me.  It is making me a better person and putting me in touch with some very special people.  My need to help others has always been there but that need is much more intense now.

Right now, it is Monday afternoon and I am letting the chemo do its thing.  My mouth isn't as sore this time.  I suppose that is because I was proactive and got that mouthwash.  It has worked.  My body is starting to ache and I feel extremely tired but it is expected.  I am glad that Ron is here with me to help me out.  He leaves Thursday and I am starting to get sad.  He needs to return to school and get on with his life.  He has helped me a lot while he has been here and the time we have spent has been awesome. This quality time with him has helped me tremendously in my healing process.  I know I am going to be just fine.  My future looks bright and I can see the light.  Next year when I look back over this time, there will be smile on my face because I will know that I fought for my life and never gave up!!!