I met someone like my Dad!!

Woke up early to the sun!!  Man, it makes me so so happy.  I said my daily prayers and then woke up the kids.  We had a busy day planned and wanted to get a start on it.

Had my first hair dream last night. I was wondering when they were going to begin.  In the dream, I was showing someone how long my hair was.  It was reaching down to my toes just like Rapunzel!!  Only in the dream, I was done with my chemo and my hair never fell out.  This makes me so sad because when I dream, things are the opposite.  I suppose my dream is trying to start preparing me for the loss of my precious hair.  Stupid dreams. Stupid chemo.  Stupid breast cancer.  Oh, why, oh why isn't there a cure and/or preventive medicines for breast cancer??? I hear there is a 1% chance that I might not lose my hair.  Could I be that 1%?? You never know.

I met some really interesting people today.  It constantly amazes me how God answers prayers so fast sometimes.  While I have been in Jacksonville, we have been looking for Ron an apartment closer to his school.  We have looked at about 10 different places.  Some we like and others we didn't.  But the very last one today was a winner.  Walked in and the lovely apartment manager had a huge cheerful spirit.  Looked at a model apartment and it was nice.  When we returned to the rental office, there was this elderly African American man.  He was needing some help with his cable in his apartment.  So Ron offered to help.  While I filled out the rental application for him, he went to help.  Ron came back with this man and from that point on, a friendship began. He reminded me so much of my Dad that it was spooky.  Ironically, both Ron and Kristina said the very same thing.  They both said this man had the mannerism's of my Dad and his stories reminded them of my Dad.  This gentle old man gave us conversation that held all our attention.  As I looked at him in his eyes, I could feel something.  He assured me that he would look after Ron and that I shouldn't worry about him.  This was strange to me since I prayed this morning just for that.  That Ron would connect with someone here to be there for him.  Especially during the next 6 months as I deal with BC.  I worry about him so because he is so quiet but I know that he worries about me too.

I continue to get so many emails and texts that make me cry.  They are so caring and so sweet. I keep getting numbers of women who have had breast cancer and said they would talk to me.  Not sure who to talk to first.  But I know I want to.  Just need to pick up the phone.

I am starting to get anxious. I wish everyday could be today.  Today was so perfect and no worries. The closer it gets to June 15th, the more nervous I am getting.  I look at my boob and don't believe that in 4 days, it will be removed.  I now feel a lump and that confuses me.  I didn't feel one last month.  So did it just grow in the last month??? I wonder about the cancer cells in my breast and how fast they are growing.  I pray the chemo kills all those cells.  I pray that they have not spread to other areas.  Have to keep telling myself that removing my breast is saving my life.

Today, my daughter got a little upset.  She has been strong from day one of this process.  She hasn't been very sad and I haven't see her cry once.  That alarms me because I feel she will crash one day soon.  I need her to be herself and talk to me honestly about how she feels.  I think she wants to be strong for me but I think we need to both relax and allow God to hold us both up.  She is my rock and I know that I can depend on her.  However, I don't want to put so much pressure on her that she can't handle it.  This is when I need to just stop what I am doing and give her a hug!! I may be going through a lot but I have to remain Mom to her.  She needs me as much as I need her. I must keep my usual day to day life the same.  Not only for her but for me as well.