Say Hello to My Little Friend! (Scarface Voice)

I woke up Wednesday morning feeling a little better than the day before. Some of my side effects seem to be fading away.  The thing that was constant was this nagging stomach ache.  The new nausea meds seem to help but not 100%.  Today, I was excited because I was getting a new best friend.  It was going to be our first time meeting each other.  The beauty of it, is that I was able to design my new friend to my specifications.  She had to be light and not too heavy.  She had to be slightly oval in shape.  She had to be close to my complexion.  She had to be soft to the touch so when we hugged, it felt natural and not fake.  I had to choose a name for her.  I thought long and hard about this.  Researched until I could find the right name.  It didn't seem right just calling my new friend Sara, Jane or Alicia.  I wanted a name that would stand out.  A name that when I saw her for the first time and then after, it would mean something to us.  So I found the name, Kibwe!  In Swahilli it means "blessed". That was the perfect name for my new friend, KIBWE!! Pronounced Kib-wee!  :)  I was still feeling pretty bad butI had to get up and shower so I was all fresh for my friend when she arrived later on that afternoon. I definitely wanted to make a good impression for the first time that we met.  Her and I were going to be very close friends for awhile and I have to make sure our relationship starts off on a good foot.  Especially since there is no turning back once we see each other. Basically, we will be stuck together like two peas in a pod.  

In the afternoon, my doorbell rings.  The anticipation to meet my friend is heightened.  I get to the door and I open it.  I let my house guests in and prepare myself to meet my new friend.  My friend didn't come alone.  A lady by the name of Jennifer brought my friend to me.  Then the introductions begin.  Jennifer says, "Evelyn, meet Kibwe!"  I look at Kibwe and smile from ear to ear.  I have my newly designed, just for me, breast prosthetic.  I look at it and it looks so real.  It was the same size as my left breast.  Jennifer then shows me how to insert Kibwe into the new bras that came with her.  I put the bra on with Kibwe inserted and it was like a miracle.  Looking at my chest, I couldn't even tell there was a breast missing.  I put on a shirt and it looked even better.  Then I hugged Jennifer to do a feel test and she said it didn't feel fake at all.  I know this was her job to fit me but I really believed her.  As I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but smile.  I had been so sad the past few days from the chemo that it was so nice to have my new friend to make me smile. :)  I do believe that Kibwe and I will be great friends!!  When Andre came home, he noticed right away how nice the bra looked under my gown.  That made me smile.  Now I felt like a woman again.  Lately, I had been feeling very unwomanly.  Getting Kibwe made me feel whole again.  I chose the right name because as I looked at myself with my new bra on, I felt very "blessed" to be alive and very "blessed" to have my new friend. 

As joyful as I was last night, today has been another story.  This roller coaster of emotions is getting played out.  Went to bed feeling like I was getting better.  However, I was up most of the night off and on with a stomach ache and going to the bathroom.  

WARNING: PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED..

Bathroom means diarrhea and such.  This is something I am use to with chemo.  Yet, very early this morning, I noticed that the toilet was filled with bright red blood.  I knew it didn't look normal.  Plus, my stomach had begun to hurt more. I immediately called my doctor and he said for me to go to the emergency room. So, I get dressed and have Andre take me.  We arrive and I spend the next 4 hours waiting for them to tell me something.  Finally, my doctor comes in and tells me that he wants to admit me for testing on my stomach.  He really doesn't give me any insight on to what he thinks but that he wanted to admit me for observation and testing. He puts me on a liquid diet and the testing begins. I must now sit in this hospital room and wait for the result to come back and see what is going on.  Of course, my mind is making me think things like I might have stomach cancer.  That seems silly now.  I am getting chemo.  Wouldn't that be killing those types of cancer cells too?  I am confused but I must relax my mind and wait to see what my doctor says.  I am in the best place possible now.  Only, I am starving to death.  They won't give me anything but jello, broth, and apple juice.  I guess it could be worse.  I  could be on liquids for the rest of my life.  This is only temporary.  There is someone out there who lives their life out eating only Ensure and liquids.  How dare I complain? 

My lower back was starting to hurt.  I was just laying here with it hurting and then it dawned on me.  I don't have to take this pain.  I am in the hospital.  They can give me pain meds in my IV and that will hopefully stop the back pain.  I wonder if it is associated with my other issue going on.  Oh, well, I won't know until my doctor tells me something.  The nurse just came in and gave me morphine to help.  They don't mess around in the hospital.  Straight to the good stuff.  LOL  As I am typing, I can slowly feel the pain subsiding and I am starting to feel sleepy.  So I will just lay here, relax myself and continue to feel blessed!!