Hair today, gone tomorrow!

I woke up yesterday and thanked God for getting me up!  I just love Sunday's and the feeling I get when I wake up Sunday mornings.  Went to the bathroom.  Looked in the mirror and for some reason, my hair just looked different.  Not sure why but it just did.  I put a comb through it and I saw it.  I saw the hair in the comb.  More hair than usual.  I put the comb down and just ran my hands through the ends and strands of hair started to come out.  I kept doing it and more came out.  That is when the flood of tears began.  Yes, I knew it was going to come out and I tried to prepare myself for it.  However, I don't think us cancer patients are ever ready when it actually happens. So, I just stood there in the bathroom and cried like a baby.  I stopped tugging at my hair and brushed it back into a ponytail.  Then I walked out into the kitchen and told Andre.  He looked at me and said, "Ok."  That was all he said.  I am not sure if that was the response that I wanted to hear but that is what he said. I tell Ron and he says "Ok."  Another response I wasn't expecting.  I tell Kristina and she says, "Ok."  So was that the answer that they discussed amongst each other or did they really not have an issue with my hair falling out.  I would venture to say that it wasn't a big deal to them at all.  They have made it very known to me that hair or not, I am still me.

I spend the rest of the day trying not to allow it to phase me but it does.  I kept pulling out strands all day.  We all were just laying around the house resting.  Andre and Ron were taking naps.  I was watching TV.  Finally, in the early evening, I was sitting on the couch just crying.  Kristina comes in and says, "Mom, call Sheila (a very close and special friend) and have her cut it bald for you." Kristina then offers to also cut her hair bald with me.  I know she couldn't mean it but the fact that she offered made me smile.  I wouldn't ask her to do that for me but it made my heart feel good to know she loved me that much. I decided that calling Sheila was the best thing to do because seeing my hair fall out in clumps was tearing me apart.  I call Sheila and ask her to help me.  She said  to meet her at her salon. So, Kristina drives me to her salon and I sit in the styling chair.  I look at myself and tears start to fall.  Sheila tells me relax and that she was not going to cut it bald yet.  She felt we should just cut it cropped to my head.  She first cuts my ponytail off to give to me.  Then she starts to cut it.  I watch the hair drop to the floor and for some strange reason, it wasn't sad to me anymore.  It was like watching cancer leave my body as each piece of hair dropped.  By the time that I was done, I had this cropped haircut.  It actually made me feel free.  I know that it will still fall out more but when that times comes, I will have Sheila shave it bald.  This whole journey has to be done in processes.  My life has changed so very much in the past two months.  I am thankful to God that change has never bothered me.  I have always been adaptable to whatever situation that I am in.  This isn't any different.  I just keep rolling with the punches and keep on stepping.  

I return home with my new hairdo.  I walk into the house and go into the bedroom.  I wake up Andre and he looks at me.  He just smiles and rolls back over.  I walk into the den and wake up Ron. He looks at me.  I said, "How does it look?"  He says, "Mom, your hair is not important. But it looks fine." I know they love me very much and they REALLY don't care about my outer appearance.  Especially if that meant that I was still going to be around.  I felt good and it made me feel so free.  I spend the rest of the evening watching a movie with my husband, my son and my daughter!  I love them so much!!  I love my friends as much.  The support and the love that I have received from them is powerful.  I don't think they even know how much I appreciate all the messages that I have been receiving.  It is those messages that lift me up each and every day.  The support that I have in my life is wonderful.  I just hope and pray that I can at some point in my life return the favor to each and every person that has sent love my way.  I know that I want to pay it forward in a big way.  I was telling someone today that God has blessed me so many times over the past few months.  It makes me smile.  I know that when I am all healthy and better, that God is going to be waiting for some payback.  LOL  I know that the rest of my life I will be God's servant.  Is this a bad thing?? Heck no.  It will be my honor to live the rest of my life out serving God and pleasing Him.  I am a child of God and if the Father wants me to obey, I will obey.  This journey has so humbled me and has deepened my faith in God that it is unbelievable. I love life and I love everyone that I have the pleasure of knowing!!