Peaceful Warrior!

Man, time flies when you are having fun!!  So not true.  I wasn't having any fun these past few days.  It has been HELL!!  I am not going to lie.  Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water, I got bit by another Great White Shark!  LOL.  Thursday, I woke up feeling a little better but as the day progressed, I started to get body aches and pains.  They were intense and I couldn't relieve it.  I laid around in a curled up position and cried all day.  I just waited for Andre to come home from work so that he could take me to the clinic to get my blood work drawn. I was getting a slight fever on this day and getting the chills.  By the time Andre got home, I was very sickly.  Also, I started to get this lower back pain that was excruciating like when I was having labor pains many years ago.  Andre takes me to the clinic and I literally felt like crawling into the doctor office to get my blood work drawn.  The nurses look at me and ask me how I am feeling.  How am I feeling!?!?!? I feel like death I wanted to say.  I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  I feel like slapping anyone in way from the pain I was feeling.  But that isn't what I said.  I just looked at her started crying and said that chemo was really awful.  After reviewing my blood work, and seeing that everything was OK, they said that I would be fine in a few days.  A few days, I ask myself?? How am I going to make it through today?? Well, the doctor prescribes me yet more pain pills and an antibiotic for the diarrhea.  More pills to swallow.  No, I am not being cynical or even complaining about it, but at some point, everyone gets tired of taking pills.

Andre takes me home and gets me to bed.  He then leaves to go fill my prescriptions.  It is during this time, that the back pain worsen.  OMG!!! I laid and cried like a baby and wanted it to go away.  The sharp pains and the sharp tinges were horrible.  All I could do was start praying to God.  So, I just lay there and prayed, prayed and prayed.  By the time Andre got back with pain pills, I was a ball of mess.  I took the pain pill and waited for about 10 minutes.  Finally, the pain started to subside.  I was able to rest peacefully the rest of the night.  Thank you God for creating pain pills!!  :)

Well, woke up this morning and just looked around.  I was trying to see if I felt anything.  No pain, no nausea, no nothing.  Can this be true, I ask myself?  Am I really not feeling anything?  I get up and go to the bathroom.  Still no feeling of what I had the day before.  This was the seventh day after chemo and I actually felt like a human being and not a zombie!!  Seven days it took for chemo to attack my body.  And did it attack it.  However, the more it attacked me, the more I fought it.  I started this journey stating that I was a fighter and that I was going to win this battle with cancer.  My day went smooth.  I left the house for awhile with Andre.  That was nice.  Too much of an excursion tends to wear me out but I have to try and build up my energy level.  Eating is still a chore for me.  I can't eat much.  Kinda like having gastric bypass.  Cancer is definitely the new diet.  Nothing really sounds good to me but Cap'n Crunch.  I am trying to eat more vegetables and fruits.  I am really trying to live a more healthy lifestyle.  Today was a good day and I know tomorrow will be a better day.  I have a few weeks before my next treatment.  I am curious if it will take me out the same way.  Won't know that answer until I go through it.  I just know that whatever happens, I can handle it.  After this last week, I think I can about handle anything.  No one will really understand how HARD this week was on me.  No one will really know how I had to fight to even drink a glass of water when my mouth had sores and it was painful.  No one will really understand how it feels to have a pain so bad that  for a quick moment, wished you were dead so you wouldn't have to feel it.  This is my chemo experience and I am the only one that really knows how this past week was. It is only between me, myself and I.  But what makes me the most proud of myself is that I went through this week and I am able to sit here now typing about it with a smile!! Three more sessions to go.  Am I ready??  Heck yeah, I am ready!!  Bring it on because at the end of the day, it is only mind over matter!!

The other night, I watched this movie, "Peaceful Warrior."  Kristina said the lead character reminded her of me.  Basically, it was about a young gymnast who was competing to get to the Olympics and accidentally breaks his leg in a motorcycle wreck.  It showed how he was able to make a comeback by believing in himself.  That the will to survive is in all of us.  It isn't outside in the world, it is deep within our soul.  I suppose I am a Peaceful Warrior.  I have to believe that I will beat this each day and that I have the power deep down to do it!!  :)