Love is the best medicine!

Monday morning was nice.  I woke up feeling light headed.  Not from a headache but from not having any hair on my head.  It was a weird feeling to not have hair.  It was also a free feeling.  It felt good to have to not do much to it but wash it.  I did notice that no hair came out after I was done washing it.  Just maybe I thought, my hair may not fall out anymore.  But I know it was wishful thinking.  My eyebrows and my eyelashes are intact.  However, I know I am suppose to lose them too.  Each day, so many changes.  I have so much support around me and it is so nice.  I can't even imagine going this journey without support.  I feel so sorry for anybody who doesn't have a good support base.  I am thankful and I feel blessed for every single person who has encouraged me. They all own a piece of my heart.

I spent the majority of Monday just resting and watching movies with Ron.  That was nice.  Andre got home from work and decided to grill steaks and ribs.  I would love to say he did it for me.  But I know he did for Ron.  That is Ron's favorite.  I am not the only one that likes to cook Ron's favorites.  His father is just like me.  He brought home beer, ribs and steaks and went to cooking.  We had a nice family dinner and it felt good.  We ate and laughed like old times.  This was nice. It is these simple pleasures that make life so sweet.  My three make me so happy.  Me not having my hair wasn't even discussed this whole day.  They weren't looking at me weird or anything.  Actually, as we were watching TV after dinner, I noticed something.  Andre was sitting next to me and he reached over and started rubbing my hair on my head.  It was such a loving touch that it made me smile.  He rarely in the past would rub my hair like that when it was long.  However, this time, it was a feeling of so much love.  A feeling that told me that it will be alright.

Yesterday, I had a lot planned.  Well, a lot for me.  I had to go see my oncologist and then lunch with my co-workers. My day started out with me getting ready to leave.  As I was taking my shower, I noticed that there was hair in my hands when I shampooed my hair.  The day before, there was none.  But today there was more.  I immediately get out of the shower and text Sheila.  She calls and tells me to relax.  She wasn't going to shave my head until it was totally necessary.  So I guess that day will be soon.  I know it will be hard but I am ready.  I am ready to get it over with and just deal with it.  So I finish getting ready and throw on a hat.

Get to my doctor's office and wait to see him.  I am sitting in the lobby and watching these three little girls play.  So innocent and so cute.  The TV in the office is on and "The View" is what we are watching.  They have Debbie Gipson, an 80's singer, on there.  They show one of her videos from that era.  One of the little girls looks up and says, "They look so weird.  The clothes they wore way back then are funny looking."  I laughed to myself.  I remember that video and wearing those clothes.  This made me feel so old but at the same time, it made me feel so blessed that I was sitting here to hear that comment.  Especially since during the 80', I was battling Hodgkins Disease, another cancer.  To be able to sit in this oncologist office at 48 years old, is a true blessing.  Yes, I am battling cancer again but I will also win again.  I see my oncologist and he tells me that my blood work looked great.  That was encouraging.  I start telling him how tired and drained I have felt.  That I can't even make it to work most days.  He said that is normal and to just rest.  Chemo is different for everyone.  I need to stop comparing myself to others.  This is my body and my body is doing what it feels it needs to in order for me to heal.

Left doctor's office feeling good.  Now it was time for me to go meet my supervisor.  I get to the restaurant and I get a table.  Then in walks my wonderful supervisor and some co-workers/friends.  It brought tears to my eyes because I didn't expect that.  We eat lunch, talk and laughed.  This was so nice. It made me feel like part of the group and so normal.  I didn't feel like a sick person during this time.  It was definitely what the doctor ordered.  After eating, they all wanted me to come over to our new offices to see it and to see some of the reps.  I was at first nervous due to my hair being short but then after eating with them, I felt I could do it.

We get over to SOS and it felt so good to walk into that department.  This is what I know.  This is what I love.  I started seeing people and it was the BEST feeling ever.  Everyone was giving me so much love and hugs.  I was bursting with joy as I kept seeing people's faces.  Why was I nervous coming to see people that love me and people I love??? They all made me feel like I was back home.  Back home with family.  I am so thankful for my job and each and every person that I work with.  The joy I felt was like the joy on your birthday when you open gifts.  Each and every one of them was a gift to me.  :)  As I am visiting with everyone, I start to get overwhelmed with fatigue.  I can only do so much in day.  And I think I had overdid it.  I want so bad to have the energy that I use to have but this day wasn't the day for me.  I knew it was time for me to leave.

I said my goodbyes and drove home!!  I drove home with a smile plastered to my face the whole way.  I was so tired but this time I spent with my friends at work was so worth it.  I needed it more than they will ever know.  It gave me the strength and will to tackle this chemo today.  It made me want to fight even more because I know they all want me back at work as much as I want to be there.  They are some of the people that make me want to beat this cancer and get well.  I am thankful for them all and will forever hold everyone close in my heart.

Get home, run to room, take off all my clothes and put my pajamas on.  Go into den and I just flopped down on the couch.  I was sooooo tired.  This day had drained me but like I said earlier, so worth it.  Started getting a headache, so I popped a pain pill and just rested the entire evening.  I know I did a lot on this day.  Probably the most I have done since I got sick but this day was probably the best ever.  Seeing the people that I love and feeling included was what I needed.  Depression has tried to peek into my life off and on.  Especially last week.  But it was stepped on yesterday by everyone that I saw.  There is nothing to be depressed about when you have love in your life.  I have plenty of love in my life.  So I should never be depressed.  Yesterday showed me how love is the best medicine!!