A Weekend of Joy!!

I sit here so tired that I can not even get out of bed!  But this tired feeling that I am feeling was so worth it.  This past weekend was wonderful and memorable for me for many reasons. Let me lay it out day by day.

Friday started out really nice.  It had been a long week with chemo and trying to work through it.  Chemo was hard but not as hard as the first time.  Maybe that is hard to understand but one would have to be me to fully understand what I mean.  On this day, is when I start to feel like a person again.  Not like this lifeless zombie laying around the house.  This is the day that I usually just relax and try to get my self back up to par.  I guess one could call it day one of replenishing my body.  That is just what I did all morning.  Then I get this phone call from a close friend.  She wanted to remind me that later on that evening, her son was going to play in a 3 on 3 basketball game and that he really wanted me to come.  I told her I would try and come.  Now, when I said that I would try and come, I really didn't think I was going to go because I was very queasy in the stomach, very tired and I hadn't ventured out the house with my bald head yet.  Well, as the day went on, all I can hear my friend saying was that her son wanted me there.  That is key.  A child wanted me to see him do something.  That is my weakness.  So, when Dre got off work, I told him that I needed to go downtown to watch this basketball game.  He looked at me and said, "Are you sure?  Are you up to it??"  I was sure but being up to it was probably a different story.  However, I got dressed and put on my hat.  I looked at the wig and decided that I would just throw on a hat.  It was only going to be for an hour and I can handle that.

Well, Dre loads me up and we head downtown to this basketball game.  First, what was I thinking.  We had to try and park at this event.  We couldn't find a spot close so I had Dre drop me off front by the doors because I knew I couldn't walk too far.  But as I sat there waiting for Dre to come, I realized that I was sitting here with a bald head under my hat.  For some reason, I felt so very insecure.  I was scared to look at people in the face for fear that they would stare at me.  So I just looked down and waited on Dre to walk up.  When he does, we walk into the building to go find my friend and her son.  Then it dawns on me that I am walking in this very public place with a hat on that is covering a bald head.  If anyone was staring, I didn't care at this moment.  All I was concerned with was seeing this little boy and basketball game.  As I walked up to the court, he saw me and he smiled. We watch game, this little boy was hitting his shots and doing a great job.  I sat there and smiled as I watched him get so excited when he would hit his baskets! When the game was over, he comes over to us and I give him a big ole hug.  I give him advice on what he needs to do to get better.  We talk and then he says the sweetest thing to.  I said "You are my favorite guy." And he replies, "You are my favorite friend."  That moment was so worth me coming and venturing out for the first time with my bald head. I thanked him for helping me concur my fear of leaving the house with a bald head for the first time.  He just smiled!  We left the game and I felt such a warmth in my heart.  To see a child smile because you made them feel happy is what life is all about.  I get home and I head straight to the bed.  This little outing was way too much for me.  I slept for 12 hours.  But was it worth it?  Heck yeah.  Well worth it.

Saturday was going to be another day of me needing to build up my energy.  I had to attend a wedding that evening.  This wedding was a very important event and I could not miss it.  So I spent the whole entire day in bed.  I rested and I didn't do much of anything. The prior day's escapade had worn me out anyway so resting all day was what I needed.  I really wasn't up to the level of feeling that great but I didn't want to disappoint the bride or groom. I told them I would be there and that was very important to me.  In order to enjoy two hours of this wedding, I knew it was going to take a whole day of resting to muster up the energy to get dressed and attend this event.  Well, evening comes and it is time for me to get my clothes on.  I had to take every will in my body to get this accomplished.  This was something that I didn't have to do alone.  Kristina and my lovely niece Abi helped me all the way.  I felt like I was an 80 year old woman but I so needed the help.  Tonight was going to be a night that I was going to have to wear my wig.  I was very nervous and I was so worried that everyone was going to notice how fake it looked.  Once I was all dressed, I put on my makeup and then I put on the wig.  It made me feel so not like me.  I felt so uncomfortable.  Yet, Andre, Kristina and Abi all kept saying how beautiful I looked.  Even though they said that, I just felt they were saying it because they loved me.

We arrive at the wedding and that insecurity started to hit me again.  I was so nervous to get out the car.  But I had to and I had to walk into this wedding.  I begin to see the people I love. They walk up to me and give me hugs.  They hadn't seen me since my whole journey had begun.  The love that I felt was so nice.  There were lots of tears.  I believe just seeing me made them feel that I was actually going to be okay.  They all told me that I looked beautiful and that they were so happy that I came to the wedding. As good as I may have looked on the outside, I was struggling trying to act like I felt good.  I get to my seat and wait for this wedding to begin.  As I am sitting there, I am looking around to see if people are staring at me with my wig on.  Sounds ridiculous but that is what I was doing.  I didn't see too many stares but I did notice that there were other women there wearing wigs.  I had to wear a wig because of cancer and I think there were just wearing wigs because they wanted to.  So what was I tripping on??? I said to myself, "Evelyn, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.  Just go with it."  :)  And that I did.  After this beautiful wedding was over we went to the reception.  Now, I couldn't do anything but sit because I just wasn't up to it.  But I watched the love in the room and watched everyone having a good time.  This was yet another event that was well worth me getting out for.  This brought joy to my heart.  I have spent the whole summer literally confined to my house and getting out this weekend has really helped me.  Made me feel like my old self just for a moment!!

Sunday, my body was so tired and so exhausted that it took every ounce of me to get it moving.  On this day, I just focused on getting rest and nothing else but that.  The one thing that I learned over this weekend was that the people that love you the most, do not care if you wear a wig or if you are bald, they just want you around.  They just want you to be a part of their life.  I was putting so much emphasis on my wig, being bald that I forgot the importance of being with the ones you love.  Should I have stayed in the house and rested this weekend?  Yes.  Am I glad I went to watch basketball game and go to wedding? Yes.  In the great big scheme of things, I wouldn't change nothing that I did this weekend.  As I sit here on Monday morning typing this blog, I am suffering from a headache, nauseous stomach, no taste buds and extreme fatigue.  But I know these symptoms are only the aftermath of chemo.  Did anyone know that over the weekend I was feeling this way?  No.  I covered it up pretty well.  My nephew even said to me, "Auntie, you didn't even act or look like you had cancer." Heck no, I didn't.  I told myself from the beginning that I was not going to let cancer win.  This past weekend, cancer was shut down. With the help of the ones I love, I was able to act like Evelyn before cancer just for a moment.  It was something I really needed to do for my self.  When you are medically sick, one not only needs to take care of their body but you must also take care of your mind.  I had been feeling like I missed so much over the summer.  But this weekend, made me feel whole.  Made me feel so much better.

Now, the rest of the week I will spend trying to replenish my body for my next chemo treatment in 7 days.  That will be my third treatment and I will almost be done.  ;)  I had the best weekend and my heart is full of joy!!