Life is Precious!!

Chemo is so draining to my body.  I have done nothing but lay around and eat.  Eating like there is no tomorrow.  The last time I had cancer over 20 years ago, I lost so much weight.  I looked like walking death.  This time around, I am gaining weight.  Look like a blimp and feel like Shamu the whale with all the water that I am drinking.  I know a lot of the weight gain is due to the steroids that I am on.  But, man oh man, I didn't realize it was going to be this bad.  The ONLY thing I was looking forward to with chemo was losing weight.  But I was so wrong in thinking that.  I haven't lost one pound.  I crave foods like I am pregnant. It has a lot to do with my taste buds.  I like something one day and then the next day, it sounds nasty to me.  During my first session, I only wanted to eat Cap N Crunch..this session, the thought of Cap N Crunch makes me ill to my stomach.  Chemo for me lasts about 7 days..then the next 7 days is me trying to get by body back healthy and regain energy..then it is time for chemo again!  This is such a roller coaster ride.  Up, down, up and down.  Yet, the down part isn't any fun at all.  It actually really sucks!!  I am at the phase of chemo where I am feeling really ugly.  No hair, skin isn't looking too healthy, lips stay chapped, fingernails look bad and my whole demeanor is downright not where I want it to be.  However, I know this is just part of it all.  I haven't lost my eyebrows or my eyelashes yet.  Each day I look in the mirror and wait to see if I notice them leaving.  Not yet.

Ron left to go back home to Florida yesterday morning.  It was very sad for me to see him leave.  He has been my right hand man, my confidante, my personal assistant and my buddy for the past few  weeks.  It has been so nice having him home and having him take care of me.  Instead of the parent taking care of the child, it was the child taking care of the parent.  I was in a very somber mood most of yesterday.  I hated that he had to go back home but at the same time, I was so proud of him.  He is fulfilling his dream of going to law school and that makes me happy.  I just want  both of my children to be happy and well-adjusted adults.  That is all I hope for.

Today is the day that I need to just rest my body.  Chemo attacks and it is like a battle. I feel like I am at war the seven days after my treatment.  On that 8th day, I am so totally drained.  Not drained from working out or overexerting myself but drained from the chemo drugs that are attacking the cells in my body.  The next few days will be me just trying to build up energy and rest. I need to allow my cells to recharge and get healthy for the next chemo session.  It feels good to say that I am halfway done with the treatments.  I am so ready to be all the way done.  But I am learning the importance of patience in this world.  Things will come in time.  I so understand that.  I don't want to rush life.  This has taught me to just relax and enjoy the moment.  Life is precious and we should never take it for granted.  I have to keep telling myself this.  In the past, I might have done this but in my future, I do not want to rush through life anymore!!